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Rambling and emo shit.

Been out all day. As I head to the cart to go home, I feel like I don't want to. And I'm trying to figure out why. I just don't want to be at my house anymore it feels like.

I don't get why I'm so bleh. Life has been a lot btter lately, and hell my self esteem has been a lot higher than it has been in ages.

I guess its just, lately at home all there is in my family is drama. Zach is still a giantitic douchebag. I hear my mother yelling at my father for masturbating in the god damn living room instead of having sex with her. For the last 10 or more god damn years. I sit around at home doing nothing but being on the computer. Fuck I can't even leave my house without waiting for someone else to be home due the giant douche.

I have no real direction right now, and I'm looking for one. Right now, I'm gonna be looking into different majors at College and whatnot. Right now my main thing I plan to do to keep busy at home is try to make those light up gloves, and possibly light up tails for Ravers/furries/combo.

and frankly I'm getting tired of living in this house, yet I don't make anywhere near enough to move out. Hell my ex wants to get a place with me, but first we are going to try being in my garage for a bit first to see if we can even stand it. and I hate explaining it to people.

I try putting faith in Zach and stuff, and watch him just continue to trick us and shit. I'm basicly to the point of I want him to fall on his god damn face and get kicked while hes down. I'm tired of it.

Bleh. I feel like i should talk to my shrink about all this. also sorry for saying bleh so much.


oh fuck you too Rich text editor 8| but yes. who all still reads my shit/uses their LJ and should I make a new one under Woif seeing as I haven't gone by Dingchevaz in /years/?

I need to use this more.

But I'm busy speed reading a book for a test tomorrow. So yea. Hope the 2-3 people who read this are doing okay. (I do try and catch up on all the journals. I just usually don't feel like I have a "right" to comment for lack of a better way to put it)



Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession

1. I care for you, and would do anything to go out with you.

2. You are too much of a flirt and need to calm down.

3. I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way about you.

4. You need more self confidence

5. Stop being so damn pissy.

6. Stop hitting me in the nuts.

7. Why do you not like him?

8. Why do you follow the crowd?

9. Why do you doubt your self so much?

10. Why do you do these things for me?

To all my friends

To all my friends Thank you.

I mean it from the bottom of my heart. And I mean all of you new, old, distant, etc. etc.

Also please bear with me since I am writing this bit by bit in my free moments at work.

I don't know if I would be the person I am today without you guys.

My friends at Mermac, I may only have met ya guys this semester and annoy the hell out of some of you(sometimes to the point of threats that are real(Kosei)). But I honestly am glad I know ya all. Some of you i feel closer to than others but that's not the point. You guys have made me feel happy to be at school again, even enough to make me glad I was kicked out of ranken tech.

To the Rottens, you guys are like a family to me really. I don't know if I could ever leave Rotten Luck even if I left WoW. Ya guys have helped me with quite a few issues in my life, and helped my attitude overall. Some of ya guys cheeriness just helps me though really bad days sometimes, and I thank you all for it.

Sheezyiers, I may not always agree with quite a few of you often but ya all still mean a lot to me(even Eddie). I thank ya guys for putting up with my moodyness at times and hope to keep on contact with you guys.

As for those I didn't mention, I lost my train of thought ^^;; sorry but ya all really mean a lot to me.

As for why I wrote this? No clue. Just in a surprisingly good mood again and felt like writing this. That's all for now~

Cross posted a lot of places.

also too lazy to spell check at home.

Fuck SL. Fuck clubs. Fuck people coming to me about issues I can't do anything about besides nod and say sorry. Fuck people with easy to fix problems. Fuck little Cliques. Fuck being cool. Fuck bosses who wont give enough hours. Fuck car insurance. Fuck bills. Fuck Midterms. Fuck unions. Fuck drama. Fuck people who over react. Fuck mothers who won't listen. Fuck it fuck it fuck it. JUST FUCK IT ALL.

Woif says: Woif says: Alot. Just had a ifght with mom I am sick of spending money for a club on sl when I was told I would only be paying half the rent. but guess what I am paying the whole thing theres been no food in my house and I have constantly been spending my money on food Because of fucking shit and promises iHave made i haven't been able ot pay my mother fucking car insurance


 Woif says: theres no food because of my fucking nephew. My mother thinks a good way to prevent him from using the house as a pit stopo is dont have much food in the house at all.


 Woif says: but it also effects everyone else


 Woif says: I am just tired of him and his mother fucking up our lives I am tired of my mother getting stressed out and refusing to listen I am tired of people saying they will pay me back I am tired of all of this. I just want to beat my head through a wall.


 Woif says: I am. thanks to it I am in the fucking negatives.


 Woif says: I have wanted to just flat out quit SL for a while


 Woif says: but I haven't. Because of Kiranna, and the club. Thats the only things that have kept me logging in. and just now my mothers refusing to fucking do anything which is lovely.


 Woif says: oh great my mothers telling my dad to take me and my younger nephew out of the house I Just got home from wrok *work I want to sit on my computer do school work and shit and just ignore the rest of the fucking house.


 Woif says: But no I can't even do that.


 Woif says: if I try and say I have bene doing school work she wont bellieve me all because I hgave one bad grade and when she asked to see it earlier on I freaked out because I am fucking scare d of her reactions I even told her as such. I am about ready to just take the swords off my wall and destroy everything in this fucking house I;m sorry for ranting to you so much


 oif says: when I checked my account on my way to work it showed I was in the negatives it got me stressed out cause of worrying how mom would react I told the other person who runs the club that I don't think I can keep paying for it never got a reply been worrying all day


 Woif says: been also just fucking stressed.


 Woif says: oh I have been., I have been asking for 20 hours a week so I can qualify for insurance I am getting 18.5 this week.


 Woif says: heres what I told the other owner when she asked what was wrong why I was so strressed whatever "I don't know if I can keep paying for FYF, hell if I should even put anymore money in SL. I am not enjoying it anymore. I need more hours at work or a second job. I still owe my mother for this months car insurenace, I have midterms this week, people keep coming to me about their issues I   can't fix, people keep lashing out at me, there is still a shitton drama with my nephew, i still have to sign up fo next semester, I don't know how to handle it all anymore."


 Woif says: I told them after the fight with mom I can not pay for it anymore. Cause honestly I can't. So yea. My mood fucking blows, I'm stressed out even MORE now, I just want to kill everything.

Bitch about page stretching to someone else.


I doubt many will read this. So I will be blunt.

What has had me down so much lately is... relationships. Seeing people in them.

The fact I have never been in a local one, the fact I have barely kissed/been kissed by anyone. I have wanted to expereince these things ever since I got into online relationships. But I haven't.

I had one experience that was close but it had not lasted long.

This isn't a journal saying, "Don't mention your relationships to me or I will rip your fucking head off". I don't mind you talking about it. I Just have a lot on my mind. 

I feel like I will never have a local relationship. And that ties into one of my deepest fears too.

Being alone. Not so much being alone in a room or something, more having no friends. No loved ones. No one very close to me. That is what scares me deeply.

I don't know what to do. I see people around me, finding someone they can hold in their arms and be loving with. And I have nothing... I don't know what to do. I'm sorry for wasting your time.


Con stuff/Being emo

Had a great time at the con, made friends though I didn't get contact info or anything.
Dagger, Short black sword, short red sword, orange pocketknife, Kitsune Mug, Kitsune ear hat, a Organization 13 Coat/Cloak/whatever the damn term is, and shit out of a grab back none of which I care about. Pics will be put up later. OH and a print signed by Robert Axelrod(Lord Zed in the power rangers). OH AND AGAIN, I ordered a GIR hat and Fox tail.
Kawa-Kon was the con. Met some nice people. Shyness/paranoia got in way of me meeting girls really. This is part of my emo rant later on in the post. ANYWAYS. Played a lot games.
Also went to a few panels.(there was a Yuri one I was gonna go to(18+) but I slept through it). there was one dedicated to L from Death note. I kept shouting GO KIRA, and won the Trivia. And the Death Note panel today, had jeporday and I was captain of Team Kira. and we won(barely). Got a CD out of that. Broke a guy's mask he bought and gave him money to replace it. and he bought a lighter instead(got it engraved). Went to a Ball(vampire knight themed). Was a "Wall flower"(aka guy who stands on the wall cause hes too damn shy) and got dragged by one girl to other girls to dance. Danced a bit but was still... awkward. Got a ton of business cards and fliers. That's about it. Ya can stop reading here if ya don't want to read a emo rant.

Emo rant hereCollapse )

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